The Day I healed My Warrior Knight
My Toltec Experience
Toltec spirituality has resonated with me since I first stumbled upon it back in 2005, and quite possibly since before then, as I had a deep connection to the pyramids in Teotihuacan in spite of never having visited. Everything about it seemed so simple to understand, and there were aspects of it that scared the shit out of me. Some of those aspects were so familiar, yet still very scary. For instance, there was a recurring dream that I have had 3 times in this lifetime. I was so scared that I had to sleep with the lights on for up to 3 weeks often getting only 3-4 hours of broken sleep while I moved through the fear. I found that I was healed of this scenario during a shamanic journeying session when all of it came together.
Lately, I have been going deeper with my inner spiritual healing. Which keeps taking me back to my Toltec practices. I remember on a couple of my journeys to Teotihuacan, I had experienced deep sadness while visiting the pyramid of Quetzalcoatl. My first few visits, I thought it might have to do with emotion that was moved or surfacing from the ceremony we had done prior to visiting this amazing structure. But when I learned about that apprentices would have their last test into warriorhood at that very place, things began to make sense.
I began having dreams, of what I now believe were past lives. I was a warrior in training, and never attained warrior-hood because I was unable to go through the last task of initiation. Today that changed. As part of my inner child practice, I have been taking my 4-year-old self into the pool. This is something I deeply enjoyed when I was younger. I have been turning on my favorite play list, which is very eclectic, and I allow my body to move in any way it wants. I joke that I am allowing my synchronistic swimmer out.
I have also been connecting with the Eagle and Jaguar to help me prepare for a teaching that I have coming up. A few days ago, while meditating in the pool the jaguar said, “I am a great swimmer; embody me in the pool.” As I embodied the jaguar, I felt how his strong and fierce paws would help glide it’s stealthy body in the water. I noticed how fierce my gaze became. I felt so powerful.
Today as I danced, the jaguar came back to visit and asked if I was ready to step into my warrior hood. I took back the memories that had surfaced from previous lifetimes where I had failed to jump at the pyramid of Quetzalcoatl. Those feeling of failure surfaced. The “eyes” on the tiles of the pool became those of the 365 feathered serpents that I recognized from the pyramid. I kept hearing, “it’s time, it’s time…you can do it!”
I climbed out of the “hard side” of the pool, or the side that gives me difficulty and I made my way to the deepest end of the pool, which is right about 9 feet. It was so symbolic that this is just hours since the new moon took place in Leo (I can still feel it). I closed my eyes and I had the vision of me choosing not to jump on the new moon initiation ceremony in Quetzalcoatl thousands of years ago. I visited that warrior, and told him not to worry and let go. We are attaining warrior status. At just that moment when he wanted to give up we jumped into the deep water.
I was still in the moment from the previous life but this time it was different. There was a huge celebration. There was dancing and all of the feathered serpents celebrated with me. It felt like there was a higher level of respect and acceptance, as a part of me believes that I may have lost my life in that lifetime because I didn’t jump. For now, I will take the celebration an bring it to all of my “selves” and embrace this soul that we are.